God seems especially elusive to those who are intellectually hopeful of Creation's existence but lack any experience with which to confirm Him. The intellectually hopeful and experientially uncertain suffer the most from what they consider to be an elusive God. They suffer the most because, despite their uncertainty, they desire Him the most. They desire Him the most because they need Him the most.
In the intellectually hopeful and experientially uncertain, the Pain Of Mortal Being is savagely fierce. And freedom from the Pain Of Mortal Being is even more elusive than the God they covet. The verse below show the depth one can descend to when wrestling with the frustrations of not satisfying the desire to find and secure spiritual intimacy with what we believe is the source of our creation, the one we call God.
Solitaire
Dear God. I am humbled. My arrogance is laid low. I am anguished and must grudgingly acknowledge and condemn your creation as my conqueror. The world you have created is arbitrary and uncompromising. It seems to neither punish nor reward for its own sake, good or evil, the pious or the profane, the cruel or the innocent. To the contrary, God, the world you have created for me and placed me in is random and unforgiving
If my assertions are true, God, is this cruel randomness a failure of your creation or is it a party of what some of us call intelligent design? If it is a part of your intelligent design then I must ask you another question, God. Is the unforgiving randomness that permeates the world you have placed me in so necessarily a part of your intelligent design? If it is, what, then, is the point? Whatever the answer, it is a pity. For in the midst of all this randomness exists other life forms like me. You know that we call ourselves human beings. And you know that many of us call ourselves children of God.
You have harnessed us with the blessing and curse of intellect and memory. As a result, God, we are forced to struggle with the fact or notion of our eternal existence even as we watch some of us go mad in your unforgiving world. Therefore I want to tell you of one more thing, God, about me. I am disconcerted by my realization that in the process of coming to terms with you creation, the ones who call ourselves the children of God have turned to you for comfort.
We pray to you, all the while believing or hoping that you are real, that you hear us, and that you llike us. Many of us spend most of our lives trying to please you because we believe it is the only way we can have an intimate relationship with you and receive your protection and full grace. But contact is essential for intimacy, God. And you have made contact very difficult.
Life for me has become an endless pursuit of a personal and intimate relationship with you combined with a solacing comfirmation of your existence and your full grace. It is a lonely solitary search. Even with the well intended, sometimes misdirected, sometimes, misinformed rules and intimations of the many religions that claim to know what you want and expect of us, an attempt at intimacy with you is not an orgy of the human spirit. No, God. An attempt to be intimate with you is a solitary pursuit.
It is the worse solitare.
This feeling of being isolated from God is pervasive and accounts for much of the preludes to misery and unhappiness the world suffers. Feelings of being ignored by God or estranged from God is not indicative of a sinner and an evil person. It is indicative of a soul that needs comfort.